Dear losers (I only call you that because you've never beaten Contra 4 on hard and therefore sort of suck. Any eventual co-kings of 2D-gaming may join me for milk and cookies. In my bed), it is with very little pride that I announce to you this here EP awards of 2012. Yes, yes, people will whine about it being april already, and also I didn't use a capital A to write that. Also, it isn't april anymore - which was the case when I started writing this, but got bored and did something else - boofuckinghoo. Well, up yours I say, because the new and vastly improved voting process turned out to take a lot of time. See, because last year's thread got so few replies I merely PM'd a few select members this year, namely the elite council of Emuparadise, and asked who should, like, win stuff and I didn't hear back until now. Well, actually all of them had replied before it became 2013, but that's somehow besides the point. Also, if you tell me how to use capitals I'll tell you how to wear your underpants and I'm totally going to mess that up. On a totally related note, wasn't that cap joke I told last year hilarious? No? Well, too bad because I sort of recycled it just now. Ha Ha Ha Lazy (see what I did there????????)!

You know the drill by now, first there are the silly pre-aired awards:

Hottest member: Elmdor's nipples (1 vote).

*** NEW Most Russian member: 1. Cookie Monster (14 votes) 2. Milady (2 votes).

Most Spammy Forumer: 1. Mistral (7 votes), 2. Elin (4 votes), 3. Gare (3 votes).

*** NEW Proudest Drunk: Sprung.

*** NEW Meanest Drunk: Jazzmarazz.

*** NEW Most clever Drunk: Stark

*** NEW Most schizophrenic Drunk: Stark

Favourite Avatar and sig: Gare's (57 votes)

Favourite Skin: 1. Default (9 votes), 2. Elmdor's (1 vote)

*** NEW Always Offline: Evans.

Best Smiley:

Worst Smiley: (yes it gets removed!!!!)

Favourite LPs: Uh, the one... you know, with all the... uh, it was a recording and stuff totally happened and, oh man, like cursing and fist-shaking etc (5 votes).

Least Missed Member: SegNin (5 votes), Skinner8 (3 votes), Paul (2 votes) and Skinner7 (1 vote).

Most Deserving of a mention without getting one: crusher's mum.

So there, with the pre-aired awards having been duly flushed down the drains, not totally unlike Gypsy's hopes and dreams of ever becoming a retrod00d (Ha Ha Ha What!?) we can finally move on to remotely more interesting things.

We did, for example, manage to decide who our favourite newcomer of 2012 was. One could've expected a fierce competition here, seeing as loads of great people signed up in 2012 such as... uh... ahem. Well, ultimately we had to settle for Iamerror, who received a whooping amount of votes (2). The rest of us took our chances, voting for people who apparently joined between 2005-07, and I decided it would be unfair to count those votes, even though 2006ers totally are sort of newbish. FlavaFlave did come in second though, despite joining a while before 2012. Sprung voted for him, you see, and it would be cruel of me to expect the senile old man to get his shit together.

Our favourite admin of 2012 was a big old tie between Cookies (1), crusher (1), Elmdor (1), Jackhammer (1), MasJ (1), Panda Man (1), Ragnar (1), Tanthias (1) and Zorlon (1). Only the admins cared enough about that category to vote, interestingly enough. It's difficult to draw any other conclusions from the result other than the fact that Milady, who forgot to vote, is apparently the worst currently active administrator. Who could've known that the hunter to hosted Lui Bei was correct; you might aswell serve your ladyfolk as food.

Since I didn't actually let any super mod vote there's no result to post in regards of our favourite SMOD. Instead I present to you a picture of some guy brushing his teeth:


Looking good there, champ!

*** NEW Favourite moderator who only visits to ask us for favors: Yeah, it's Borman (21 votes). Who could've guessed?

Since Gare (1) is my very best unicorn-lover (well, he might actually come in second after that pervert Ragnar,) aswell as my favourite retrod00d I decided to name him just that, without asking anyone else. After no consideration at all I decided to name him our favourite regular member (1), the most helpful member (1), the most respected member (1) and the worst thread starter of 2012 (1) aswell.

The least favourite forumer, an award so associated with shame that even Ragnar would blush a little bit if he won it, was a controversial affair this year. Some people suggested Shard would be a worthy winner, since he apparently caused some sort of shitstorm along with his second-cousin (or whatever, I don't pay no attention) Gypsy. But, "Nah!" I muttered, that's not right. Shard was probably some sort of semi-okay poster at some point and Gypsy laughs at my football-related jokes sometimes so that's a no-go. So what about Garren then, with his annoy... uh, unique posting style? Or maybe Gunslingerboy who couldn't even appreciate a super-fabolous nickname being bestowed upon his ungrateful self? Well, see, this was really tricky and ultimately we all just sorta agreed that it had to be Josh. So what has he ever done to piss anyone off? EXACTLY! No one likes a good guy.

Least Favourite Moment of 2012: The moment we all realized that the Gamers voice was a big failure (took Heavymetalgamer a good while to figure out though, bless him). A special, personal, mention also goes out to my failed attempt to convince Jackhammer that I was one of his grandchildren and that he should alter his will. See, I divide the old jokes evenly, I'm such a kind and great guy.

Most Shocking Moment of 2012: When Ray found out that Stephen Ardrey was Noble prize winner. Not literature, mind you, peace.

Favourite Moment of 2012: When Tanthias tallied the votes of these here EP awards on new years eve and then sent them to me around midnight. Such a helpful guy, that Tanthias. ^__^

Worst Thread: It's obviously DL's infamous poop thread.

Best Thread: It was impossible to really pick a favourite, but no doubt one of the many EVERYWHERE!!!-parodies. I personally like this and that one.

So, there you have it, folks. This once again goes to show you that when it comes to Emuparadise there truly are no winners. Just losers. And it's all of you guys. Except for Elin who's our favourite member of 2012. Now get the hell hell out of this country and stop stealing my jobs and my women!